Saturday, August 27, 2016

July 29, 2016

It is Friday, July 29, 2016.  My summer is winding down.  I am a teacher, and I start school again on August 8, 2016.  I am actually looking forward to starting school because it helps balance my mood.  I do well when I am busy and have lots going on.  When I was in college, I tried to be as productive as possible to help combat my symptoms of depression.  I was extremely busy, and I didn't like it when things slowed down because my thoughts would be too overwhelming.

I am hoping that my husband will be able to take the kids to his mom's house to go swimming, so I can go to my favorite coffee shop and focus in on some writing. Let me be honest, lately I have been browsing different writing ideas and avoiding the actual writing part.  I am forcing myself to try to write for a minimum for 30 minutes.

This morning I woke up and went for a run with my friend.  Hurray!  It was a short run/walk of 3 miles.  We walked and ran it.   I haven't run in a few weeks, so it was difficult.  I've had worse, but it was definitely hard.

It is always hard when you have had any time off from running.

I want to share with you- my blog- what my major goal is this year, which is getting prepared for The Appalachian Trail next summer.  This summer, I hiked for 3 days on the trail with my husband.  We didn't do that many miles, but it was a start.  I am currently 200 pounds which is about 40 pounds from the highest my weight should be.  I'm 5 feet 7 inches tall, and the heaviest I should be is around 560.  I have seen a nutritionist once so far, and my second meeting is next week with her.  This will be the most difficult challenge I have ever taken on.  It is, in a way, even more difficult than dealing with the daily challenges of life.

Sunday, August 21, 2016

August 21, 2016

I just started work again, and it has been a blessing.  I am a teacher, and I have the summer off.  For someone with depression and anxiety, that is extremely challenging.  I struggled to manage my depression all summer.  I managed it ok, but there was rarely a moment that I was completely free of its grip.  Last weekend was the weekend before students arrived, and I felt so ill.

I told my husband, "Please help me make it through this weekend."

I have been in my element since school started.  It takes all of my attention and energy to memorize the 75 new students' names and to begin absorbing their personalities. We are off to a good start.  I was extremely exhausted this weekend.  Therefore, I allowed myself to nap on Saturday for one and a half hour.  This is always risky for me because usually I want to sleep all of the time because I am depressed.  I did not feel depressed when I went down for a nap, and I think it was due to the start of the school year.  I am trying to balance spending time with my kids, my husband, and preparing for my students.  For the first couple of weeks of school, there is no real balance.  I do have to put in extra work, but all of the teachers have to do this.  My family is also super busy and tired from starting school again.  My kids love school, and I teach at their school which is extremely helpful. We are all on the same schedule.

This weekend I did not have that aching feeling of trying to survive the weekend.  I knew how I would survive it: laundry, dishes, going to the pool with the kids.  I slept way too long last night, but I didn't let it ruin my day today.  I did manage to do 10 minutes on this intense stair climber in the gym.  I am going to use the stair climber to help me prepare for my AT adventure in June.

An update on my preparation for that trip.  I did go to a nutritionist two times.  She honestly stressed me out and made me cry (I never cry).  I cancelled my last two appointments.  I am running 3 times a week with my friend in the morning before school.  My final plan is to exercise for 2 hours a day (5-7AM)?  Wouldn't that be amazing.  I need the time to clear my head, be alone.  I feel that all of the little things make me extremely irritable.  If I have that down time to myself running with the ability to think, I believe it will make the irritations of life more bearable, and I will be able to float above it somewhat.